No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
