Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
