Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
