if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize