I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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