Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i've created a new STD.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
