i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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