i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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