If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize