afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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