Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
