You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My balls are so social today.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
