Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
