He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
birth control should be required to get into college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
