Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
