You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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