We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
