Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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