all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
