i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize