you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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