every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
