U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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