His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just cropdusted the office
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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