I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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