so explain again why im purple
no
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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