smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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