Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
