You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
