Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you would pick up someone in the library
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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