if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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