I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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