Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
