I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
