Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
