Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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