i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
