My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
