Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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