I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
