when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
