You made me cry and you don't even care
we have pet lesbian snakes
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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