I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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