DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
