Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
