You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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