so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
