ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
