sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
