We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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