thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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