i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
