First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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