Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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