when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
