Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
