Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
