Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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