Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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