Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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