My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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