He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
