I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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