i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
