we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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