3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
